I always assumed this would be a struggle of mine as a mom, since I have dealt with it my whole life. Excessively washing hands, avoiding germy situations and hibernating during peak sick season. But as a mother now, my goodness has it escalated. And for me, it’s germ anxiety.

Recently, I was standing at the door of my daughter’s friend’s birthday party, looking at the crowd of kids running around, sharing snacks, and touching everything. My mind started spiraling. What if someone is sick? What if she gets sick? What if this place is crawling with germs?

I stood there for what felt like hours, trying to convince myself that I was overreacting. But the fear of germs, of something happening to my child, felt paralyzing. I felt like I should just turn around and go home, keeping my daughter away from this “germ-infested” world. It would be easier, safer, right?

But then, I looked at her. She was so excited, her face lit up as she saw her friends, and her little hand was already reaching for the door. I realized, in that moment, that my fears were mine—not hers. She didn’t know to worry about germs. She didn’t see the world through the lens of what could make her sick. She saw it as an adventure.

So, with a deep breath and a quick prayer, I walked in. I forced myself to stop overthinking, to stop seeing germs as enemies lurking around every corner. I wanted to protect my child, yes—but I also wanted her to live freely. I don’t want her growing up fearful, looking at the world as something to be scared of. I want her to be a kid—free to play, to laugh, to make memories, even if those memories involve a few germs along the way.

It’s hard, this constant battle between my own anxieties and my desire to protect my child’s happiness. But I’m learning that it’s okay to have fears, but it’s not okay to let them control me, especially when it comes to how I raise her. I have to work on overcoming this, not just for myself, but for her. Because the world is big and beautiful and sometimes messy—and she deserves to experience it all.

So, I’m trying. I’m taking it one day at a time, reminding myself that germs are a part of life, but they don’t have to define it. And most importantly, I’m teaching myself that sometimes the best thing I can do as a mother is to let go and let her be a free kid.