One of the hardest parts of becoming a mom of two has been realizing that I can't be everything to both of my children at the same time. When I had my daughter, she was my entire world, and I could give her all of my attention. When my son came along, I knew things would change, but I don't think I fully understood the guilt that would come with having to divide myself between two little people who need me in different ways.
I had a really difficult solo parenting night last night that almost truly took me out. I ended up putting my head in my shirt trying to hide away and breath through the anxiety and tears. My 7 month old was inconsolable for over an hour (not sure what is going on with him quite yet) and my 3 year old was over tired and over stimulated from him crying so naturally, she started crying. I could not give wither of them my full attention nor what I was doing was satisfying their needs and it was destroying me.
Even in the not so dramatic moments there are times when I'm holding my son and my daughter wants me to play with her, or I'm spending time with my daughter while my son needs me. No matter who I'm with, sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on something with the other. It's a constant balancing act, and some days it feels impossible to get it right. To parents who have more than 2 children, I truly applaud you.
I need to remind myself more often that being a good mom doesn't mean being available to both of my children every second of the day. My love isn't divided just because my time is. I may not be able to give them both my undivided attention all the time, but that doesn't mean either of them is getting any less of my love.
If you're a mom of more than one who struggles with this same guilt, I hope you give yourself a little grace. We're only one person, doing our best to show up for the little people who mean everything to us. Our children don't need us to be everywhere at once. They just need to know that, even when they have to wait their turn, they will always have a place in our arms and in our hearts.