As a parent, I’ve come to realize that toddlers live by one rule: "If it’s not a toy, it’s definitely the most fun thing to play with."

Let’s talk toys for a second. You know how when you buy your toddler a brand-new, shiny toy that promises hours of joy, you get this glimmer of hope that they’ll finally be entertained without needing you to do anything except, you know, exist? Well, guess what? That new toy is completely ignored in favor of the nearest can of tomato paste.

Seriously. Tomato paste.

I’ve watched in horror as my toddler waged an imaginary war using a can of tomato paste like it was some sort of battle axe. He whacked everything in sight—me, the dog, the cat—until I had to discreetly move the tomato paste can to the top shelf. But does that stop him? Of course not. Enter the next best thing: the bottle of paprika from the spice cabinet.

Why? WHY would anyone want to play with spices? But here he is, shaking a bottle of cumin like he’s conducting an orchestra. And honestly, I’m a little impressed. He’s got that shaking rhythm down better than I ever could.

It gets weirder. Yesterday, I caught him playing with a used tissue. That’s right. A crumpled tissue. Which, of course, was more entertaining than his entire toy box. I guess it’s the mystery of it—“Is this a toy? Is it something I’m not supposed to touch? Let’s find out by putting it in my mouth!”

And don’t even get me started on the kitchen utensils. The spatula, the tongs, the measuring cups... These things are all suddenly way more exciting than any plastic dinosaur. The spatula is a sword, the tongs are claws, and the measuring cups are... well, I don’t even know, but they are definitely part of a very complex imaginary world where I am somehow always the villain.

At this point, I’m considering just putting a random assortment of items on the floor and calling it a “Toddler Toy Box.” Maybe I’ll throw in a roll of duct tape, a paperclip, and a random sock—who knows? That could be the next big thing in toddler entertainment.

In conclusion, if you ever wonder what a toddler truly wants to play with, the answer is clear: Anything that isn’t actually a toy. Keep your toys. They’re just not as fun as a bottle of curry powder and a forgotten sock from the laundry basket.