Postpartum has been gentler on me mentally than I expected, and for that I feel incredibly grateful. Of course the exhaustion exasperates anxiety especially when caring for tiny humans. Anxiety has always been something I’ve carried, but thankfully I’ve had support and tools to help me manage that side of things.

The harder part for me, and it might sound vain, has been coming to terms with what pregnancy did to my body.

I gained 30 pounds with my first pregnancy and 40 with my second. After my first, I never really “snapped back.” I stayed about 10 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight, so going into my second pregnancy already feeling uncomfortable in my skin made the weight gain feel even heavier (literally). Then preeclampsia added another layer, with the extra swelling and water retention that can linger postpartum. (fun times)

I’ve been trying really hard not to tear myself apart every time I look in the mirror or try on clothes, (went to marshalls the other day - took 5 items into the dressing room and after I wanted to cry just trying on the first piece - I abandoned it all and couldn't even get myself to try on the rest) but some days that feels impossible. Comparison is hard and growing up in the era where being painfully thin was glorified was hard enough. And NOWWWW, with weight loss ads e v e r y w h e r e and “bounce back” culture everywhere you look, somehow it feels even harder.

I know I am not the only mom feeling this way.

So if you’re in this season too where you are not quite feeling like yourself yet, missing your old body, wanting to feel comfortable in your skin again...I just want you to know that it isn’t vain. It’s human. And you are not alone in it.

We will feel like ourselves again. We will get there. FINGERS CROSSED