I knew the second time around would be hard—but I didn’t realize it would feel this overwhelming.

I’m in my first trimester. Again. And let me tell you, the nausea doesn’t care that I have a toddler who still needs snacks every ten minutes, a diaper change even though I cannot handle any smell but fresh air, and wants to climb on me like I’m a jungle gym while I’m trying not to vomit on the couch.

I’m queasy, I’m tired, and I’m absolutely terrified.

Terrified that I won’t have enough of me to give to my toddler as I soak in the last months of just the two of us.
Terrified that I’m already dropping the ball—on my toddler, on this new baby, on myself.
Terrified that I’ll never feel like me again.

The guilt creeps in. Because this pregnancy was wanted, hoped for, prayed for. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

I love both my babies, the one I can hold and the one still growing inside of me. But right now, I feel stretched thin, emotionally frayed, and physically wrecked. I want to be honest about that—because I know I can’t be the only one googling “how to survive pregnancy with a toddler” at 2 a.m. with tears in her eyes and a cold bagel in her hand.

If you’re in this stage too, I see you. It’s okay to be overwhelmed. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to not love every second.

We’ll get through this, one queasy, exhausted, terrified moment at a time.