I am grateful for the courage I am gathering for when it is time to say "yes." -mhn

Please give me grace as this is my very first blog post and with that, welcome to Bandit Banter! 

I am a first time mom to a baby girl and my journey into motherhood has most definitely been off the traditional path. However, I feel there are a multitude of shared experiences, whether we know it or not, in this very exclusive, cool, sometimes crazy but overall incredible club of motherhood. The very first banter topic to pop into my head is none other than learning to say “yes” or “no” more. Depending, of course.

Let me explain…

Growing up I was a yes to death girly. Oh, you would like to cut me in line for no reason? Sure, be my guest. You want to copy my homework because you were too lazy to do yours?  Of course you can….

Truly, I think saying “no” was a skill I failed to learn. On the other hand, saying “yes” came as naturally and subconsciously as blinking. If the outcome of a situation was in someone else's favor, then sign me up regardless if it meant I was going to be absolutely miserable. For some reason I feel like this may be quite common amongst us mothers. Saying, “yes” for others but not saying, “yes” for ourselves. 

Throughout my pregnancy, I very much upheld this same mentality. Nine months pregnant, waiting on line for the bathroom, kind individuals would insist I step ahead of them. This would convenience me and inconvenience someone else. I could never! Oh how I wish I could travel back in time and give myself permission to say “yes” in these instances.

A little background about my journey, my husband left for training when I was 6 months pregnant and was not due back until my daughter had already been born and in my arms for one month. (He was allowed to come home for 3 days for her birth) Okay, so fast forward to one month postpartum. We have all been here, in the THICK of it. Double diaper duty (you and baby), not so designer bags under our tired eyes, our days and nights mixed up as our newborns knew no different, our hearts swollen from new found love and skin warm with the weight of our babies on our chest. 

Alone with my newborn each night, (her grandparents close by - I stayed with my parents until we could move into our house and my husband was back home) I struggled. Breastfeeding was hard, nights alone with a newborn was hard. Yet no matter how hard I felt it was, I refused to ask for help. I so desperately wished my husband was there to have someone to be utterly exhausted with lol. But, as always, burdening someone felt worse than just suffering through alone. Of course we all know, and now I know, I WAS WRONG. Boy was I wrong.

I continued on this way until I hit a breaking point. I was so exhausted I don't even think I knew I hit it. My mother sat me down one day and said, you need to stop feeling bad and say “yes” when help is offered. Ironically enough, I complied, said “yes” and went about my days not accepting help…lol.

When comparison sneaks into the crevasses of your mind, it's incredible how it can instantaneously take command and rule you. I compared myself to all the mother’s I knew and just chalked it up to them having more tenacity than I had because surely, everyone suffers this much with a newborn right? 

Wow, what a surprise, wrong again.

It took a while to realize I was letting myself suffer when I DID NOT HAVE TO. Want to know something crazy? YOU DON’T HAVE TO EITHER. Say yes to help! The landscape and intricate design of our motherhood brain is new territory for us first time mothers. Our brains quite literally change and shift on top of all the other shifts and changes occurring outside our body. Trying to understand our new normal intrinsically and extrinsically is quite the feat. 

So, just like you are giving me grace for this being my first blog post, give yourself grace on being a new mother. It takes a village to raise our children and it takes a village to be a mother. Lean into the help, and lean into saying “yes” for your benefit because those around you want to watch you grow into this new role with a sense of peace and support, not loneliness and feeling burdensome. 

Next time someone asks you if you need help, girl, say YES!

Xo, lex